Notifications
by Kxtskii
Summary: Matthew Williams is a young, depressed teen who attends WRHS. He's gay, he's bullied, abused, and ashamed. He meets who is the captain of the football team, Alfred F. Jones online and fall mad hard for him, Alfred is perfect, beautiful, and all in all amazing, but what Matthew does not know is that he has demons, and they're going to eat him alive.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

His heart felt cold.

Ever since last Tuesday, Matthew has felt this way. He felt empty, cold, depressed and unsatisfied... Last Tuesday started out like any other day. Matthew dragging himself out of his Canadian flag bedsheets and into the freezing waters, giving him an expresso shaming energy boost. He slipped a pair of distressed blue jeans on and an old flannel, feeling comfortable in the clothes, yet never in his own skin

He hopped down the stairs to feast on microwaved pancakes and cheap maple syrup, his violet eyes glancing to the lit up green numbers on the ovens small clock. It read 6:04 in the morning... Matthew had to hurry up if he wanted to get to school on time, it took him a good thirty minutes...

And that school day was decent, not amazing, but actually pretty good! He got some good grades, absolutely perfected his Human Rights essay for his AP English 2 class. No one called him _'Fag!'_ or _'Queer!'_ He felt okay. He felt good that day... He was smiling to himself, laughing to himself, talked a bit to his Cuban friend. It felt so normal, perfect even...

Until he turned that corner to kiss his Prussian boyfriend goodbye and was greeted by the sight of him making out with some busty redhead cheerleader named Alice.

Tears pricked at the corners of the Canadians eyes, sniffling quietly as he saw the sight. He wasn't going to cry; he wasn't going to do that... He wasn't going to let himself do that. Instead, he turned around before either of them could notice and breathed deeply.

That night he texted him a text message, saying some vulgar things that were rare from him and breaking up with him. Yet, if anyone did the real breaking, it was Gilbert...

That's how Matthew ended up where his is now, 2:31 AM, sitting in front of his blank computer screen, his wallpaper a picture of the Canadian Rockies. He was in the dark, pitch black as he stared blankly.

He was lonely, oh, so terribly lonely.

He sighed and hovered his mouse over an app called _'oovoo'_ and clicked on it, huffing when he saw he had no messages from anyone, not even Ramón had messaged him! Ugh!

He scrolled over his list of recommendations and clicked on the first one, _'Alfred Freedom Jones!'_ Was the name. The guy was probably a friend from his exes, or maybe one of his old friends in Canada, but that didn't matter... Matthew wasn't sure why he did it, but he texted the hyperactive American stranger.

 _'Hey there, I'm Matthew, you were the first one on my recommendations list and I was wondering if you would like to chit chat a bit? I'm sorry if this bothers you.'_

The minutes passed and his mind was blank, biting his lip as a nervous habit, feeling a trickle of blood on his tongue. It was... Metallic. Okay.

A loud noise startled the lights out of the Canadian. He jumped back and quickly let go of his bitten up bottom lip as he heard the promising _'Bing!'_ echo around the room.

 _'Hey Matthew! My name is Alfred! Sure we can talk. Tbh I don't mind at all.'_

About ten miles away in a decade old apartment complex sat a American teen in his poster ridden mess of a bedroom. He was typing away on his phone, sitting criss-cross applesauce on his comfortable bed. He had planned to watch a horror movie about some hot chick who was abducted by some Asian guy that worked at In-and-Out. It was pretty cheesy; kinda a horror movie meets rom-com kind of tango.

Whatever, he was into that kinda stuff. That's all that mattered.

He continued the message with...

 _'You seem pretty chill by your profile, dude! Imma 'bout to sleep, if you live on the west coast you should think about it too, if you live on the east you should_ _ **def**_ _think about btw. Whatever. You wanna talk for like ten before I fall asleep on ya?'_

About a mile away a teenage Canadian glanced at the words that was shown in front of him, the sound of his fingers pressing down on each key on the keyboard filling the once silent room. He put his cautious thought into every sentence that he sent. Pushiness was not allowed; neither was talking back or becoming a burden. He wanted to make a great first impression on his new online friend.

The Canuck typed back as quickly as anyone possibly could, he situated himself on the bed with his laptop, typing his maple syrup induced heart away.

Beforehand he had always stayed away from the recommendations section, his parents drilled it into his head that it was "The best way to get abducted and tortured." He never completely agreed with this, even though he was aware of the fact that there were some pedophiles, rapists, murders, and just people who were downright weird in every corner of the internet. There must have been someone that was decent on the internet...

He held his breath as his mouse hovered over the send button, a right click enabling the message to be sent.

 _'Oh, yeah! Sure thing, I don't mind at all. I can let you go now, if you want.'_

 _'Nah, nah, it's cool, man, I don't wanna leave ya hangin and all. Btw you can totally call me Al or Alfie or whatever you're into. Hey, you play any video games?'_

 _'Oh, okay! I'll call you Al then. Um, I play many games, I've played Last of Us, Tomb Raider, The Walking Dear, Yamdere Simulator, FNAF, a ton of Nintendo games...'_

Alfred slightly jumped in complete excitement as he read those words on his IPhone 6s touchscreen. He had a friend, his friend was a foreign exchange student from Japan. His name was Kiku! He was great, his dad works at Nintendo in Tokyo and constantly sends him the newest games before their released. The both of them loved to play the games together, even if it was a bit hard because Alfred didn't speak Japanese...

Long ago, he had an attraction, a crush in a sort of way, to the Japanese fellow, it lasted a few months... He's still in the closet about being bisexual though and he has a girlfriend. But really, she was a bitch.

He began to tip tap away on his keyboard easily and happily.

 _'Really! Like, I play all of those, especially Nintendo. My friend gets all the new releases early and we play them together all the time. Which ones do you play?'_

 _'Mario, Zelda, Animal Crossing...'_

 _'Ah, so the more classic ones? Or mainstream, depending on how ya think about it.'_

Matthew chuckled a bit at that, yeah, you could say that...

 _'You could say that!'_

He didn't get a response for a while, but that didn't stop him from smiling all at the same time. For once the dark clouds that surrounded his minds cleared up and let the sun shine bright.

Minutes passed and a half asleep Alfred texted the Canadian back, the message riddled with typos coming from his sleep deprived mind.

 _"hey ill test you tomorrow k?"_

The Canadian complied with happiness, letting himself slip under his Canadian flag bedsheets, they were made in Quebec, you know! Getting warm and comfy, falling asleep as his nightmares left him that night.

They would be back tomorrow though. They always are.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day was a complete and utter blur, the Canadian couldn't remember a single thing that was taught. It all just seemed so pointless! When would ever need to use the quadratic formula? Why drill that into his brain when they could be teaching him how to do his taxes? Teach him how to raise a kid or cook a healthy meal or get a job, something that would become useful in the long run... What did the quadratic formula or isotopes have to do with being successful in life?

Matthew was a writer, has and always will be, Matthew had quite the passion for the hobby! He was quite proud! Some of his writings has even been featured in The Washington Post! His ones about the experience of being a Canadian liberal in a newly republican run nation is quite the popular article.

Matthew knew he wasn't particularly attractive, he saw that every time he looked into a mirror, he was not athletic in anyway, he was bordering the path to an eating disorder, he looked pretty feminine for a male, his skin was way too pale, too quiet, too boring. He knew all that well, yet he was sure of one thing, he was intelligent. Maybe not in math, music, or science, but he knew he had something.

Just because Matthew was intelligent doesn't mean in anyway did he care about what they taught in school though, he didn't give a damn about dance, coding, guitar, or isotopes. All throughout that uneventful Monday he was thinking about that American teen that he was talking to over the internet. He hadn't had such a lovely conversation in such a long time... Ever since he saw Gilbert- That fucker- Make out with some slutty cheerleader he felt unwanted... Like he was just not something that people would find lockable. Sure, the American was a simple stranger, but having a kind conversation can really lift someone's spirits!

He gave a small sigh as he glanced at his watch, leather and tightly grasping his wrist, it showed the numbers 2:15, calling that it was about time to get out of the men's bathroom and to 7th period, Creative Writing.

He had a knack of skipping P.E and hanging out in the stalls, somehow he still kept his near perfect attendance and straight As.

He slipped his headphones in and turned on the first song that popped up on _ITunes_ , he headed through the anxiety filled hallway full of hundreds of teenage angsts

 _"Stand there like a ghost, shaking from the rain, rain~"_

He walked the halls, trying not to bump into any of the stronger, taller, superior seniors as he did so.

 _"She'll open up the door and say are you insane?"_

He already had the ideas swirling and repeating in his mind as he stepped into room 227, his Creative Writing class run by the all too known Mr. Wright. He was a man in his mid-forties and served twenty years in the air force, he was the weird and... Goofy kind of fellow. Sometimes dropping behind his desk and yelling _"Oh my God, there goes Pearl Harbor!"_ just to take his students back a bit. He was quite offensive, but got away with it all quite smoothly.

"Williams! Earbuds!" Mr. Wright called out as he pulled a white Apple earbud out of the Canadians ear. The Canadian making a startled sound and rubbing the back of his silky hair gently.

"Ah... I.. I'm sorry, Mr. Wright, I'll put it away.." He mumbled and stuffed it into his book bag and went to his seat as his teacher looked away from him. Matthew sighed as he took his seat between a constantly bickering French and English teen. It was always hard to do work around them... He swore that they were going to get together and hook up at some point, maybe then they will finally shut up, but it hasn't seemed like they have gotten rid of that tension yet.

The assignment today was writing a story that expressed something or someone that deeply inspired you in your life, it was meant to be a very emotional and detailed essay to be written over a total of one week and equal eight hundred words. At least that's what it said in Mr. Wrights messy neon green writing,

Mr. Wright also wears bow-ties with kittens on it, by the way.

Matthew took out his blue two subject notebook and ripped out a few of the collage ruled papers, he sighed as the French teen began to patronize Arthur while he was stuck right in the middle... God.. Just fuck and get it over with all ready so he could write this damned essay...

 _'I need to keep this A, I need to have a 3.5 GPA at least or my father is going to kill me...'_

He bit his bottom lip with great nervousness at that thought, what was something that he deeply cared for? That made him truly happy? No way in hell was it his asshole of a mother and father, he did not have any siblings, sadly, he had a cousin back in Montreal, but he wasn't even aware of the fact that he existed. He hadn't been in his homeland, specifically British Columbia in almost ten years...

He sighed, he would say Gilbert... But apparently a D cup meant more to him then keeping his boyfriend around.

 _'He was an arrogant asshole anyway, everything was always about him, how amazing he is...'_

He sighed quietly under his breath.

 _'I did truly love him though...'_

The clock ticked with his anxiety and made every second more precious. He gave a small sigh as he took a glance at it, luckily he could do this at home, but still... He hated homework with a passion. He also hated things being horribly late. The college ruled paper was horribly blank... And the accents of foreign teenagers filled his ears as they threw around curse words at each other. Honest to God, even Mr. Wright had given up on separating those two...

 _2:56..._

He might as well just give up on it now, eh?

He collected his things, he was glad to go home... Hey! Maybe that guy from last night would be online tonight... What was his name again, Alfred? Yeah, that was it...

For once, he was the first out the door, rushing out into the halls to take the long walk home, quickly plugging in his white earbuds and continuing where he left off on.

 _"And that's how it works, that's how you get the girl, girl~"_

He felt himself relax as he was surrounded by light Washington rain and the cool air coming down from the true north. He let himself show a rare smile for once, the air was clean, the flowers were blooming... It was... Nice.

 _"And then you say, I want you for worse or for better. I would wait forever and ever."_

His home was maybe a good thirty minute walk away, the perfect amount of time to clear his head, he gave a short sigh and breathed in the freshness as he tried to think deeply while listening to **Taylor Swift's** quite calming voice.

...

...

...

3:37 PM

The teenaged Canuck threw open the door to his one story house that he shared with his family and quickly rushed to his room to avoid any sort of confrontation with his parents. He threw his bright red backpack on the ground and quickly booted up his laptop.

He was maybe a little too excited to see he had a message from that certain American boy.

 _"Heya! I just got out of school. Texted ya the next day, as promised." - 3:17 PM_

His fingers nervously tapped down on the keys, hoping it was not too late to text him. It's been thirty minutes... Would he really care enough to stick around and check his messages?

 _"Ah, hey, I got out of school, I just got home, sorry I didn't answer earlier..."_

God, he was nervous... Why was he so nervous? He did have generalized anxiety disorder.. Yet, that should not even matter right now!

Ten minutes...

Fifteen minutes...

He bit his bottom lip in a God awful habit and waited impatiently, this may have seemed really creepy... What about his essay? Oh, God damn it.

A sigh exits chapped, pink lips as Microsoft Word 2008 popped up on the screen, he needed to make something up, something quick and easy that seemed good and legit and maybe a bit sugary sweet but at the same time could get him an easy A... Get an overall A.

People said this little obsession with his GPA was bordering unhealthy... But whatever. Most of them were failing their classes anyway! What did they know about any of it?

Maybe... His medication means a whole hell to him but that would probably come off super crazy... There was Alfred, but that was just weird, Gilbert was shit-

Gilbert was an asshole, Gilbert was awful, he was the perfect for it.

What Matthew appreciates is a person who isn't a lying, arrogant jerk. Matthew appreciated decent people who knew how to treat others right... Oh, he was going to love writing this..

 _"There are many kinds of people in this world, people of all races, sexuality, genders, walks of life, people with kids and people with lovers. You'd think in a world with a population of seven billion that it would be easy to fall in love, that it would be easy to be loved, to have a best friend, a great mother, an excellent father, that it would be easy to find someone decent in this world. Especially in a country with over three hundred million people! That"_

 _ **Ding!**_

 _"Heya! You're good! Sorry, my bratty gf was bothering me to make out with her or something... How the hell are ya?"_

The computer screen just happened to magically change to the messaging app once he saw the message.

 _"Hi, Alfred. I'm fine, if she's bothering you so much why are you even with her?"_

 _"Um... Idek really. I guess it's what others want me to do and what my parents want me to do so..."_

 _"Don't follow what others say! What do you really want?"_

 _"I wanna be with someone else and come out as bi but ya know not happening..."_

The American only a few miles away gave a short sigh as he hoped that the Canadian would not judge him for it, his friends, his girlfriend, all anti-gay rights. How was he supposed to come out if he would just be bullied? He couldn't! He just couldn't!

 _"You're bi? I'm gay."_

 _"OHMYGOSHWAITREALLYAREYOU?"_

 _"Ummmmm... Yeah?"_

 _"Thatssogreatjesusfinallysomeonewhoisaccepting."_

Alfred was giddy, happy mess, smiling at the fact that what he just said was... Well, what he just said! A small, gay flag was flying in his head as he happily waited for his reply.

 _"Ah, yeah, of course. There's no problem with it."_

Matthew sighed, knowing he had to go or he would never finish this damn essay...

 _"Look, Alfred I'll talk to you later, I have some work to do right now."_

 _"Okay! Talk to me soon then!"_

Matthew smiled, quickly going to the task of trashing his ex... And most human beings on the planet.

 _ **How You Get the Girl -Taylor Swift**_


	3. Chapter 3

"Your essay was..."

"Yes?"

"Passionate, Mr. Williams, to say the least. It's good. Honest. Maybe a bit much. You would be a good journalist, you know that. You would also be good in the field of English Literature." Mr. Wright glanced up to the blond haired male and breathed gently through his mouth. "Think about it, college is right around the corner, you know. You got an A."

"I'll keep that in mind, sir, thank you very much." He said with a sweet smile (he's Matthew, he's a sweetheart) and takes the marked up document out of his hands, flinging his red as the Canadian flag backpack over his shoulder and walking out of the classroom with a smile on his face.

Gosh, what if he slipped the damned essay in Gilbert's bag when he wasn't looking? Or in his new girlfriends? Oh...

That brought a totally different emotion to the Canadians face, little did most know, the Canadian was actually quite... Not hurtful. More good with tricks, but never to hurt someone...

Angsty.

That's the word I'm looking for.

He was quite the teenage angst and if doing this to his ex-boyfriend fed that, well, he'd be damned, it would be happening. Most definitely.

Gilbert had soccer today, so he would be leaving his bag in the locker room, and since he was a guy, that would be easy to get into and slip that paper into his bag, wouldn't it be? He could just slip it in and walk away, if someone asks, he could simply say he forgot his textbook with him or his phone or some crap like that.

He's doing it, yep, his feet start to move and he's not going back.

The essay wasn't hateful, per say, but if you have cheated before, it was shameful, it would point out their flaws and obvious heartlessness towards the other party. It would definitely take a blow to a person's self-esteem. God, Gilbert needs that.

He slips into the boys locker room quite easily, actually, it wasn't that hard, but he never thought it would be though, so yeah.

The Canadian sighed as he grabbed his ex-boyfriends familiar purple-blue backpack, he unzipped the largest section and slipped the rather thick document in there, he bit on his lip softly, looking behind him with bright eyes to see if anyone had checked him out. When the coast was clear he stuffed his hands out of his pockets and slipped out as if nothing had happened.

The blond teen did get to thinking about it and the more he thought, the more obvious it was.

Gilbert didn't want anyone to know that they were dating, he would rarely text him, he would push him around in front of his other jock friends just to have a laugh, he would forbid him from doing certain things If Gilbert thought it was with another guy. God, it was like he was being controlled, why did he not see it before? Why was he so blind?

He should have saw it coming, maybe somewhere in the back of his mind he did, but for some reason, he still felt as if he was being stabbed a million times in the heart when he saw him kiss that redhead.

Did...

 _Did he even like her?_

If so, then why play him? Did Gilbert not realize that if he simply told Matthew he liked someone else, he would be okay with that? Sure, it would hurt, but it happens, and that's okay. He would have took it as Gilbert only being human _._ Matthew would have been fine with it.

Ugh, life really is a bitch, is it not?

Whatever, now that his GPA was up, all seemed more at bay in his life. He knew his parents would not be cramming their hateful words down his throat now, because after all that's what mattered wasn't it? Keeping the most lovely, happy family image? That's all it ever seemed. Maybe it was his teenage angst, or his frightfully intense depression, or maybe he was just a spoiled brat, but that's what it seemed like.

He needed to get home before his mother threw a hissy fit at him. It was per usual.

Why else would he throw himself home the minute he got home?

"Yeah! Mom! I passed! I got an A! There is nothing to worry about." He said quickly as he rushed up the stairs to message the one and only. It started to become a daily ritual, go home after school, message Alfred until they fell asleep. They had been messaging for so long at this point, he felt like he knew the American by heart, even though he had never even heard his voice... Or seen him. (Or that's what he thought.)

 _'Hey there, Alfred!'_

Like many time before, he was answered immediately. He smiled at the sight of a notification from the messaging app. Alfred, at least as of late, has always been quick to answer the young Canadian.

 _'Hey there matthew!'_

 _'How are you?'_

 _'Could be better could be worse'_

 _'What happened? You're usually cheery and ecstatic about everything that comes your way.'_

 _'its not a big deal'_

There was a pause before Alfred sent another message towards the Canadian.

 _'me and my girlfriend broke up.'_

 _'Why, that's a good thing, is it not? After all you were always complaining about how terribly she would treat you.'_

It was true, Alfred would always complain to the Canadian on how the young female... What was her name? Marianne right? Yes, a young girl named Marianne that he had been dating for the past year would treat him so terribly. She stood him up when they were supposed to be hanging out, she would flirt with other guys, she sounded a tad like Gilbert, just not a guy and less arrogant.

 _'Why did you two break up? Wait, did she break up with you?'_

 _'nah i broke up with her she was pretty bad at that whole girlfriend thing ya know but anyway it still hurts because we dated for like over a year but other then that i will be fine hahahah :")'_

 _'You know, me and my boyfriend broke up last week.'_

 _'why?'_

 _'I caught him making out with some redhead bluntly in the middle of the hallway, it was pretty stupid, he was not good at the whole boyfriend thing as well.'_

 _'if it makes you feel any better i would never do that to you'_

Ah, typical, sweet Alfred. Literally, who in the world was heartless enough to treat him so horribly like Marianne did. He could not help but let out a soft laugh when he saw those words, Alfred, sweet and queer as always.

What did Alfred even look like? Was he some ADHD ridden fat kid? Did he do sports? He feels like he has known this teenager for years upon years, but now that he thinks about it, he barely knows _anything_ about him.

What did he do other than talk to him? He knew he liked video games, was quite patriotic, he knew that the other liked My Chemical Romance, Panic at the Disco!, and Twenty One Pilots. The American constantly made fun of the Canadians "girlish" taste in music. Come on! What's wrong with Taylor Swift? She's beautiful! Even a gay guy like Matthew can appreciate a females looks.

 _'You know, I noticed something.'_

 _'mhm?'_

On the other side of the signal, Alfred was sitting against the wall of his bedroom, fully prepared to talk to Matthew into the dark hours of the night, he knew it was stupid, _she_ was stupid. Like come on! She had a perfectly good relationship but of course she had to just go and fuck it up by making out with who he thought was his best friend!

He could not help but be devastated though, he spent a lot of time, money, and passion into this relationship and it ended in complete disaster.

At least it was one less thing that he had to suffer through...

 _'We have never seen each other, maybe we can video call or something?'_

Gosh, they haven't have they? Did Matthew not say he lived in the Seattle area like Alfred did? Maybe they could just meet up?

 _'better yet, wanna just meet up?'_

 _'Meet up?'_

 _'yeah you said you lived in the seattle area'_

 _'Why, yes, I do. I guess we could!'_

 _'theres this mall... east ridge mall i guess? i will send you the address later but if you want to meet there after school friday then im down'_

 _'Sounds like fun! I'll see you at 5?'_

 _'sure! that would be the best time for me actually'_

 _'Okay, Alfred, I have to get to some schoolwork before my mom comes up. I'll see you then!'_

Matthew sighed, puffing out his cheeks as he glanced out the window, everything seemed as if it was looking up...

It was a trick, wasn't it? 


	4. Chapter 4

_"Bitch!"_

Apparently people do not appreciate when you leave semi-hateful essays that you showed to his English professor in their bags. Huh, you learn something new every day, don't ya? 

"Bitch is a reference used for females, Gilbert, I thought even you could get that through your thick skull." Matthew rolled his eyes at the German as he headed for lunch.

"What the fuck is this shit, Matthew? Literally words and words of you insulting me." He barked suddenly, roughly grabbing the Canadians hand. Matthew twisted around and glared at him, daggers in his head. He was passive aggressive when he wanted to be. He was damn good at it.

"It's blunt honestly, plus, I checked through it, nothing that I mentioned in the essay could have hinted I was talking about you, but they were all referring to your actions." He said simply, it was not really attacking, but it was not without a hint of spite in his voice that trembled only slightly.

"Fuck, Williams, well, you know how to write, I guess, maybe it's the only thing abut you that isn't a flaw."

Wow, _burn._

"You weren't saying that in bed." Matthew even laughed.

"It was all you were good for." The Prussian male spat out in spite.

"Well, I can say the same about you, man, go fuck that redhead and fuck off. I'm going to go eat, you know, I mean, I'll try, I forgot how I loose my hunger every time I look at you." Matthew laughed again, he found this funny, was that so wrong now? "You know, she's going to cheat on you, right?" 

"She won't."

"I'll reword that then, you know, you're going to cheat on her." Matthew raised a thin, blond eyebrow at him, smiling at him, not that he was happy, it was just fun to mess with him. "Seriously, tell me how in the fuck you would feel if I went and cheated on you while we were still together."

"Awful."

That did bite, not cut, but bite, and it bit hard. 

"And that's exactly why you did it to me then."

"Bingo. See you later, Matthew." Gilbert obnoxiously did one of those bows as he headed off.

All he could think of was how he couldn't wait until he saw Alfred after school...

Class was pretty uneventful, actually, everyone seemed to lay off of him for the day. He even got invited to play some Nintendo 64 with Kiku this Saturday! 

By the way, did he ever mention that Kiku's father lived in Japan still? Kiku was here for some foreign exchange program to the United States. His dad worked for Nintendo in Japan, he always sent Kiku the newest games, and lucky for all his friends, Kiku did not mind sharing the wealth.

Yeah, I mean, it would probably be a little better if it was in something other then Japanese, preferably English...

Honestly though, today was a good day, decent day, he felt good about it. There was a few things going around the school, there was a homecoming dance coming up soon, another football game next Tuesday against the Ravens, Chess Club every Friday after school... The list goes on and on.

Yet he only had one thing on his to do list...

Alfred.

(Not like that, pervert.)

He was _trembling._

But fuck, why?

Why? This was something that he wanted, Alfred had already wiggled his way into his hellhole of a life within the timespan of only two weeks and now they were meeting up and now everything felt like it was just lit ablaze.

Including his very intense anxiety that was eating him alive at this very moment.

It was just a mall. It was just a short walk from school. How far was it from his school? What school did he go too? How will they even know who is who? He did text him a few days prior that he would be wearing a Nirvana shirt, but that was quite the band back then, hell, anyone could wear that shirt, could they not? Matthew, himself, was wearing a simple shirt and a red flannel (it was quite hot outside, but flaunting scars isn't a great first impression, isn't it?) over it, simple, but maybe that would blend easily into the crowd?

Did he just have to make _everything_ a big deal?

Well, if that is a question that you have, yes, he did, that would be anxiety for you.

Just.

Just relax, goddamn it...

 _Don't get worked up something so small._

That's what his mom always told him, you know? Whether it be when he was eight years old and he had been pushed off the swing set from a few of the typical bullies, or it be the present where he was being called "fag" from across the hallway, that was always her response. Holy hell, parents wonder why their kids end their lives, wonder why they don't want to converse and why their best friends are on the internet.

It burns like hell to have your feelings degraded by your flesh and blood, just saying.

Yet, because of these words that are etched into his adolescent mind he had been quite hard on himself, it was like instinct, he knew only anxiety and he felt only shame with himself. People told him to brush it off, but of course, they were not being abused, eh?

Whatever, whatever, don't think, just do.

Feet, somehow managing to be steady, walked into the mall after a abnormally decent day of school. The Canadian teen let out a small sigh as he continued to walk through the halls, he said he would meet him by the food court, so food court he goes.

And he walks, feet moving steadily, until he saw a guy wearing a Nirvana t-shirt, blond hair and bright blue eyed, slightly tan but not as much as his other friends, he was larger, more muscular, probably from years of high school football.

But yet, of course, life had to get Matthew this way, when he saw those blue eyes, he had a realization.

 _"What the heck?"_

_**Changing the rating to Mature because the author has a very special use of language.**_

 **I do not curse this much in real life, especially not in face to face conversation, but someone needed to throw a few vulgar sayings at him, eh?**

 **I'm like super embarrassed but imma just roll with this.**

 **Don't hate me for how I decided to portray Gilbert in my fanfiction, honestly, I've never liked PruCan or him as a character, but I am fully aware that he is not like this in the anime and that I am doing him no justice.**

 **This was also so short so forgive me please.**

 _ **Have a beautifully fantastic day!**_

 _ **Love, Ashton.**_


	5. Chapter 5

"What the heck?"

Blue eyes flashed with confusion for a moment before a hearty laugh exited pink lips.

"Hey there!"

"Hey there? Did you know about this?" The Canadian said, squinting his eyes only slightly at the other as he questioned. Almost edgily, but he was not there quite yet.

"Um, well, you know, kinda-"

"It's not funny."

"I know it's not- Okay, look, I know I'm like, your ex-boyfriends who cheated on you best friend, even though he's kind of an ass, you know, you kind of should have put this stuff together, you seemed pretty smart. It's okay as well! My girlfriend was that chick so I'm in your shoes, ya know!"

Matthew rolled his eyes up at the American, he looked so done. Really? _Really._

He was stupid though, the captain of the football team, Alfred Jones, his ex-boyfriends best friend, Alfred Jones, like, what the hell was all of this? Some joke from Gilbert for the jocks to mess with his feelings... He should have known-!

"You're kinda cute when you're angry, ya know. You're also not that smart. That's coming from someone who can barely do fifth grade math, look, I didn't know about you but I didn't piece this together. I thought you went to a private or homeschool or something of the sorts. I didn't think you would like... Be him. Now that I think about it, it's painfully obvious. We can erase the past though." He said suddenly, never one to use more words then he had too, but oddly enough now he was using more then ever. God, he hoped this Canadian wouldn't be as difficult as writing an English paper. "Maybe you should give me a chance before you suddenly start becoming all judgmental, sweetheart, I may just make it worth your while."

The Canadian looked unhappy, overwhelmed, but mostly just confused. Suddenly the American laughed.

 _"...Eh?"_

"I'm messing with you! Let's get food! That's why we're at the _food court~!_ You know! For _food!_ " He laughed and grabbed the Canadians arm, a gesture that surprised and alarmed the Canadian, but made him feel safe nevertheless.

"Yeah, okay, we can do that. Let's eat." Matthew said softly, blue-purple (yes, purple, a very small hue, really, it was mostly blue) eyes soft as they should be. He was typically the gentle kind.

"So, whatcha like to eat? Burgers? I love burgers! I know you love poutine, but I like, don't know where in a mall they would sell gravy and crap. Isn't chili fries kinda like poutine except American-ized? I mean, that sounds right! Maybe that's how we came up with chili fries..."

"Yeah, Alfred, that's how we came up with chili fries." He laughed, rolling his eyes at the slightly younger one, only by a few days though. "You're lucky you are cute, Alfred, you don't have much else going for you when it comes to the brain department."

"Hey! That's mean! I got football going for me, plus I'm attractive-"

"Arrogant."

"Confident." Alfred correctly, blue eyes shining. "I'm confident, Matthew. Not arrogant, I'm not...

What's his name?"

"Shut up, eh?" He joked, laughing with a roll his eyes. "Let's grab some food before you say something even worse."

A few hours passed, it was quite a bit of fun, they are chili cheese fries and soda, Matthew for once not thinking about not eating or body weight or anything of the sorts. All he thought about was _Alfred._ It was like that dumbass wiggled his way into his brain.

They went to many stores, one being a sports center which Alfred adored, he was a great athlete, so Matthew could understand why. Seeing photos of all the world cup winning teams was also very exciting. Even dating back to 1966, the first world cup England had ever won... They also went to get coffee, Alfred telling the barista his name was Steve Rogers and somehow convincing Matthew to go with Tony Stark. (Even though he originally tried to get him to go for Betsy Ross.) They also went too... God, the list could go on and on.

He was rather adorable honestly, he had a certain odd charm about him, he made his flirting quite obvious, which was also very cute. He was quite taken by the American... Even if he was aware that they could probably never be together. As fun as today was, things were... Very overwhelming as well. He would message him later about that though. He just wanted to enjoy the American.

They smelt candles in Bath and Body Works to where Matthew silently observed that Alfred was a lot more feminine then anyone would have guessed! He was indulging in the florally-warm scents that the season had presented. The particular candle was called Vanilla Pumpkin Marshmallow. It was a pretty sweet candle! Matthew was too taken by the Flannel candle to care all that much though. Eh, maybe it was a Canadian thing.

"Are you going to put that thing down, Matthew, or am I going to have to take it away?" Alfred teased, rolling his bright, blue, American eyes at the older teen. Matthew stuttered and halted, putting the candle down clumsily as he flushed. How long was he thinking? God, that must have been weird, having his nose stuck up in a candle…

"Ah, no, no, I wasn't being weird or anything, I was just, you know, smelling candles." He swayed his foot back and forth sheepishly.

"Do people smell the same candle for like fifteen minutes up in candle?"

"I-I wasn't! I-"

"You weren't, I'm screwing with ya, chill."

The American then let out a soft laugh, God, he was infuriating, he couldn't help but just wish that they had met before, became friends long before, maybe then Alfred would have came out and Matthew would have been happier and…

And…

And he needed to start thinking with realities instead of fantasies. Matthew did not have the luxury to spend his free time wasting away, thinking about 'what ifs', he wanted to live for today, if that was possible, maybe it wasn't…

Does anyone else get those random bursts of confidence?

"Aye, aye, earth to thy Canadian, do they like stare into space constantly up there as well? Maybe it's the cold-"

"I haven't been to Canada in... Since I was three-" His voice suddenly stopped as he stared at the American. He didn't think about his next question, maybe he should, but he didn't... Yet he felt no shame asking it. "You want to get out of here?"

Honestly, this sweet pumpkin scented room with thirteen year old girls hustling and bustling in and out was not where he wanted to be right now.

"Why? Wanna make out behind the building?"

Alfred F. Jones.

Infuriating and annoying and just really cheesy.

Ugh, _fuck you._

 _ **Heya! I feel like I should apologize for my awful lack of publishing new chapters. I'll be frank, I do have college level classes and school has just started for me, so it is harder, also it is hard writing a story for an anime that I don't really enjoy as much as I did previously. Don't get me wrong, I love AmeCan, I am just not as invested in it as I was before...So my apologies if I seem terribly neglectful.**_

 _ **Also thank you for the wonderful comments, I for one am very self conscious and hate most of what I write, so saying those things brings me confidence and I have to say thank you that. Honestly, I can not thank you enough. Someone called my writing passionate and honestly I feel those emotions when I write, like when they are angry I feel angry... Maybe that is why? Whatever, it stuck to me weeks later and every time I write I think of that comment.**_

 _ **Have an amazing day!**_ ✨

 _ **(Yes, those are candles actually sold.)**_


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